Why does Brooke’s voice sound like she’s made of scared air? My cat sounds like that. She doesn’t meow that much but when she does, it’s a dainty little screech.
Why the hell are Brooke and Paige still on probation? Kelly’s weird freakout was two weeks ago! Nia is also on the bottom, of course, because Abby’s racist. OMG SO AND SO IS ON TOP! We’ve been waiting three seasons for this. YGG! We love you!
FYI Sue and I are blogging this at the same time in Google Docs and I’m pretty sure I’m 35 seconds behind.
Great, Maddie gets another dramatic solo. And surprise, surprise Chloe is up against her too.
Brooke wants to go to school dance instead of the competition. Sadie Hawkins, Brooke? Honestly, that shit is just people in cheap dresses jamming to Dave Matthews Band. I’m from Pennsylvania, I should know. Abby is super cool about it though and she makes a good point, if she said no she’d have brooding Brooke.
HOLD UP! Abby is doing a group dance about children killing each other. You know the Hunger Games aren’t real, right Abby? It was just a movie? Jesus.
She’s going to replace Brooke and I just realized that we haven’t seen ANY Candy Apple’s this season. WE ARE BEING CHEATED.
HOLY SHIT PEYTON IS A BULLY THAT PUSHED PAIGE. I pray to god we get some bullying on camera. How old is Peyton, 35? Well, she kind of looks like Jennifer Lawrence so I get it, Abby. If Abby really watched the movie though she’d know that Katniss didn’t just go around murdering people!
Why the hell did Christi come to help find Brooke a dress? Are they at the same store from “Toddlers & Tiaras”? I’m not sure if Kelly is crying because she’s drunk or genuinely proud. Awkward.
I forgot how much I enjoyed Peyton’s firecracker momma. She’s an homage to the Miami moms. Yo, why has Abby been sitting at the front desk ever since Melissa quit? Does she need more help over there? OMG, can you imagine working for Abby?
I love how Peyton is a bully. They keep talking about this, I need to see it in action! You guys, I just had the best banana and dark chocolate muffin for breakfast. I’ve been letting myself go lately. The other day I had mac and cheese. It’s just, I really love eating my feelings. WITH KALE, SUE! Her mac and cheese had kale on the side. Also, I had some chicken and yogurt for breakfast wtf is wrong with me.
Can we please have a bullying moment? I need to see Peyton beat the shit out of one of these dancers! Bullying just feels so good sometimes. There’s a new girl at work and she dropped a tray and spilled juice all over herself and I told everyone and we’ve been laughing about it ever since. It’s so mean but it’s so nice to have an enemy sometimes. Ya know?
Please don’t ever bully me Sue. There are tons of things I could potentially be bullied about. Like that guy with messed up glasses from Whole Foods. AKA my bff. OMG he was a charming slow person!
Maddie’s solo rehearsal is blah blah blah. The rehearsals are the most boring segments of this show because there’s no drama. But check out Abby’s bling these days! Girl has been hittin’ up SkyMall!
Abby’s trying to teach CHLOE a lesson about her mother. WTF? Abby, just talk to Christi if you have a problem. What kind of message are you trying to send girls about interacting with each other?
Abby invites Maddie in for a secret mystery rehearsal for a secret mystery competition. I think she sits up at night with her Maddie-sized real doll petting it and saying, “My Precious.”
WOAH Abby is going to submit Maddie in two competitions in the same day. She just loves fucking people over, doesn’t she?
Anyone else watching this Bristol Palin show? She’s very captivating but I have a lot on my plate right now. Though, maybe a spot will be opening since I’ve given up on Bunheads. Ugh, how sad are you that show isn’t good? I had such high hopes for it.
Peyton is actually super hot! I wish I had a bod like that! Srsly. A lot of these girls grow into ugly ducklings but Peyton actually looks good! Am I being gross right now?
Nia looks like a little hipster right now, I’m digging that crop top and maroon leggings. I think that if I were to be friends with any of them it would be Nia. Sue would be friends with Chloe because she’s the darkest.
Peyton’s mom needs to hop her up on PKs for the competition. Does anyone watch “Make It or Break It”?? It’s the best show ever about gymnasts. Professional gymnasts take painkillers/cortisone whenever they hurt themselves!
Sue has never heard the term “PK.” Girl, haven’t you ever watched “Intervention”? I can’t watch it that often because it gives me the sads. Have you guys ever heard of Bath Salts? Apparently that’s a thing now. That’s what those face eaters in Florida were on.
Abby is comparing a teenager with a hurt finger to that guy who ate his arm off. Abby, you take your life way too seriously.
Also, that picture of Brooke. She looks great but who is the guy? He looks like my next door neighbor growing up, Justin McKown.
Look, Peyton should be wearing a side braid if she is playing Katniss. Why are they dressed like Greek gods? Maybe I’ll wear my clip-in extensions today so I can have a nice side braid. Ooh Sue! I love your extensions! You look like Kelly Hudson side braid with those! Kelly if you’re reading this, you know we love you!!!
OMG Mackenzie’s pigtails are adorable!!! This has got to be my favorite dance they have ever done. It was truly beautiful. All the girls had fabulous extensions and I thought Abby did a great job with the choreography. As Dr. Holly says, “Abby does weird well.” Also, does anyone else notice when Peyton talks to the camera that she is just reading off cue cards? So forced, Peyton. SHE IS A ROBOT.
OH SHIT THEY GOT SECOND PLACE by 1/10 of a point. That blows. I hope So and So doesn’t get blamed for this.
So and So’s close up when Abby says she’s giving them the truth is priceless. When is she getting her own spinoff? It would just be bowls of chips and Justin Bieber videos. I need that in my life. Then I can stop watching that Bristol Palin show.
Chlo might “chlo-it”. She’s flipping out backstage. Her costume is pretty, though. OH NO CHLOE, WHAT’S WRONG????
Wowzas this dance is hella sexual. She looks beautiful! Those long legs look great! Ack, I’m being such a creep today! It must have been the chicken.
Maddie’s hair looks super cute. Same with her costume. She looks like one of those Legs Avenue Dorothy Halloween costumes. Wait, does she wear the same costume for this and for “Cry”? Because we’ve definitely seen this before. This dance is super boring though. And I LOVE Maddie.
Ack. Chloe got second runner up, third place. When is she ever getting first place? Maddie gets first. What else is new? Blah blah blah blah someone gimme more chicken. Sue, I want one of your muffins.
Now what is going on with Abby’s dirty trick? I still don’t understand the point of having Maddie compete in two dance competitions. But I do love the dance, “Cry.” I love crying.
Melissa needs to stop crying all the time. Gross. This dance is so dark. I feel like it’d be better suited for Chloe. Abby’s hot pink nails are OUT OF CONTROL (OOC!) That’s what my first boyfriend used to say to me, “You’re OOC.”
Maddie gets first place again. I love her, she’s great, but give me a break.
Holy shit. Next week they are going to take a look at ALL the dances from the past seasons. Sue, I think we need a live stream. Oh god. I’m excited.
Ok, this episode gets 2 out of 5 candy apple’s because it was kind of boring. But the dance was good. If it wasn’t for that dance there would be no apples.