Hi guys! Sue here. It’s just me today because Anna is on vacation in Barthelona Thpain, where they all talk with an acthent. I mith her.
First off, some news. My amazing friend, Molly, saw Abby at a party for It Gets Better. That’s essentially an anti-bullying campaign, right? Abby is like, THE biggest bully ever so why would she even be invited? ALSO, Anna saw Abby in the audience of So You Think You Can Dance so she swears Abby is going to be a guest judge. ALSO, my cat just puked up a huge hairball. It’s like four inches long. I’d take a picture but you’d probably be grossed out. Speaking of GROSS: I’m starting a blog about scabs because they’re really cool! scabstories.tumblr.com
Let’s get to the dramz. Paige is on the bottom of the pyramid for the chroegrapy hyjinx she pulled last week. So and So is also on the bottom and she looks like she’s going to cry. Aww, little buddy. Brooke is off of probash. Finally. Nia is on the second row. THANK YOU! Can she please get some more airtime? Maddie is also in the middle but my girl Chloe is on top for da bird dance!
Abby tells them they are going to yet another competition called Starbound in Atlanta. I’m about to say something bitchy: Maddie looks different without makeup. That’s fucked up. Kids shouldn’t wear so much makeup that you notice a difference when they’re not there. I was never even allowed to wear a bikini until i was 10.
The girls are auditioning for Drop Dead Diva. Cool, brah. Heard of it but don’t watch. Abby includes Peyton and Leslie this week because she needs someone who looks like a teenager for the group number.
Oh shit! I forgot to clean up that hairball. I got my ass off the couch, stood around in the kitch, then sat my ass back down. BRB. My boyfriend’s cool because he always buys the nice paper towels.
The moms are pissed that Leslie the Monster is around, obvs. We see in the teaser that Candy Apple’s are ALSO auditioning for Drop Dead Diva! The plot thickens! These casting directors are really scraping the bottom of the barrel if they want the Candy Apps.
Ugh, people are doing construction in my building before I’ve had my coffee and I want to KILL THEM. You guys, someone just called me from an unknown number and I didn’t answer it because I was scared and they didn’t leave a message and now I’m filled with so much WONDER and REGRET.
This episode is a little boring so far. Can you tell? I wonder what Anna’s doing in Barthelona. Tear.
Candy Apps have a new dance studio, I think? I can’t tell but that’s what I’m guessing. Kendall and Jill left because Kendall wasn’t getting enough attensh. (It’s hot outside so I’m gonna abbreviate everything.) JILLL, don’t you know that you have to build relationships with people? You can’t just walk into a room and demand something like a wild boar. At least that’s what I tell myself on auditions. Wah. I’m crying softly.
The dancers at both studios record their auditions for Drop Dead Diva. The thing is, it’s exciting enough just to audition, ya know? You get all future-trippy like, “OMG what if I book this film with Olivia Wilde? That would be CRAZY! I wouldn’t have to wait tables anymore and my life would totally change.” And then you don’t get it because you’re up against bitches from Hollywood and you a have a little tummy fat and no one calls you and you just cry and cry. I mean, I’m guessing. Not liked that’s happend to me.
OMG Vivi is so funny in her audition. She can barely even read, ahah. I hate to make fun of her but I can’t not.
The moms go out for a boozy ass lunch where they talk about Leslie. Chloe is going to miss the rehearsal for her school field trip. GOOD! Kid needs to be a kid. Abby calls her mom a sneak and liar. These bitches are just the worst. Leslie swoops in there and gets Payton a solo. Abby looks MOVED while she’s choreographing Maddie’s solo. She thinks she IS Maddie. Can we get a screengrab of Abby’s gross mint green talons? Jesus, her nails must be two inches long.
The moms are pissed at Leslie and Chloe makes her triumphant return. Chloe has that solo DOWN. Yeah girl!
Kelly has a 41st birthday party at her house. She invites Leslie, for some reason. Leslie arrives and Kelly’s had a few to many Sauv Blancs and immediately picks a fight with her. Note: she’s drinking out of a goblet that says, “Whatever!” Must be nice.
But seriously, why would you invite someone to your house just to pick a fight with them on your birthday? That’s fucking dumb. Dumb. She brought her a gift and everything. She was trying to make peace with them!
Backstage, Chloe and Maddie are blowing each other kisses and it’s the most adorable thing ever!!!
Chloe’s solo is dark and gorgeous. The music is weird because it doesn’t know if it’s jazzy or Fiona Appley or what. Pick a genre. Chloe is confident and sassy! So proud!
Maddie’s solo is dramatic and emotional. I actually really like it. She gives great face in this one. She says, “It just makes me so happy when I watch Chloe.” AWWWW! Their rivalry is fake!
Nia, Pagie, and So and So do a trio that’s cute and has a lot of acro tricks. I think Nia lands a front aerial the wrong way? But no one says anything even though it looks painful. The girls all think Abby is going to yell them. And eat them.
Payton’s solo is saucy. Kind of cute I guess. Eh. Update: the coffee I made is so good! Abby and Leslie get into shit in the green room because Leslie is making excuses for Payton. Leslie starts crying and I actually feel bad for her. They are totally bullying her. IT DOESN’T GET BETTER! (Note: my amazing teacher, Rebecca Drysdale, made this incredible It Gets Better video. )
I can’t get a gauge on wether the group number is cool or not because the editing incorporates too many close-ups and I can’t see the choreography as a whole. SO ANNOYING.
Chloe gets fourth place, Maddie gets first (obvs), Payton got seventh place, the trio gets fifth place (not that bad!!!), and the group number wins top overall. Well, I wish I could have SEEN what all the fuss was about. Good job, camera guys.
NOW, let’s wrap up that Drop Dead Diva storyline. Ugh, next episode.
This one two out of five candy apples because it was boring and I miss Anna :(