This episode is the Abby Lee Dance Company recital. My dance recitals were like three to four hours long when I was a kid. My brother would dread them for months beforehand.
All the moms look like they’re wearing Easter dresses. What month is it? Also, Melissa totes looks pregs, but I think it’s just fatness :( After I eat a lot of Chinese food I look like that.
Maddie’s on the bottom, and Nia’s on the top! Seriously. Yeah, Lifetime!! This show is just getting better and better. MUFASA, stop talking please! She needs to CHILLLL OUT. Why is she so spicy?! Does she know nothing about creating lasting relationships in the business? You gotta chill out and be less demanding and be patient because YOUR TIME WILL COME. But seriously, her new hair rocks. She looks so much better than last season when she looked like a poor man’s Wynonna Judd.
DANCE RECITAL! WHEEEEEEE!
Abby is making Paige dance in the boot, which is like, slave terms.
This is exciting. They’re doing a dance routine that’s hip hop and everybody’s freaking out! Also, the number is called “Light My Fire” which is a pretty famous Doors song— which is pretty much the antithesis to hip hop. Abby, have you ever heard of hip hop music? Rap music? I really hope they’re going to do a hip hop routine to a Doors song.
Brooke totally looks like a stripper when she hip hops. (Anna, that’s not a verb!) I’m sorry, but I feel like she’s going to be a professional stripper aka a cheerleader in the NFL. And don’t get me wrong, the Jets flight team are some of my favorite gals around!
Mufasa is still trying to justify going to Candy Apple’s just GIVE IT UP! Woah. This parking lot rendezvous is so staged I can’t even deal. Also, dude think of more things to call women besides snakes. I don’t even understand what she’s saying? How much is Lifetime paying Leslie for this stupid spiel she’s preaching? I do love me some Leslie though. She’s SPICY AS FUCK.
Leslie gives some dirty goss on Melissa’s divorce. Apparently, she got to meet her lover. Weird. Mufasa has a point though—those dance moms are MEAN GIRLS.
In case you’re wondering what I’m eating right now, it’s cottage cheese with raspberries, nutella, and granola. Nutella from THPAIN! I might have another helping since I did two Insanity workouts this morning. I’m a fatass?
You know what commercial I’m sick to death of? That stupid Payless Paleontologist shit.
YES CANDY APPLE’S!
Someone sent Cathy tickets to the recital, and Cathy is inviting her new lezzie friend who looks like a mix between Charlize Theron in Monster and Jeff Daniels in Dumb & Dumber. I just had a dream that Charlize and I were friends. Is that gay? Also, I can’t take Jeff Daniels seriously in the Newsroom because all I think about is his D&D hair.
Paige dancing in her boot is adorable, but I feel like she might be injuring herself even more? Girl has gotta rest! Abby brings Peyton and HER ABS OF STEEL in to school them in hip hop.. Abby has ABS OF TWINKIES. I feel like one of the big parts of being a successful hip hop dancer is having big ol’ boobies! Unless you’re a tiny black boy in a Missy Elliott video.
Aww, Maddie and Chloe are wearing the same outfits! I bet they planned them.
Ugh. Abby! Stop trying to pit Maddie and Chloe against each other. Poor Maddie. I know Sue, I know you hate Maddie. But that was really sad, Abby just pulling her part like that. A part that she already knew, just because they are beautiful dancers doesn’t mean they are not still little girls :( Abby is a MEAN GIRL.
Did anyone watch “The Week the Women Went?” WTF is that even about?
Peyton is in 15 numbers this year?! That’s insane! Lisa Goodwill, the star of Linda Dies’ Dance Unlimited, my childhood studio, was only ever in eight, max. These girls work their asses to the bone.
Also, this dance does NOT look like hip hop. Hip hop is supposed to be urban and these girls are far from it. ALSO. Poor Paige shouldn’t be dancing to begin with. Why does Abby treat these girls like animals?! Also, why is Leslie such a B? I feel like Peyton only has abs because her mom punches the shit out of them every night before bed.
UGH. Get Leslie off this show. I cannot stand this woman. (Anna, another instance where we disagree. She’s being bitchy to Kelly and fighting dirty, but I love that Leslie stands up to Abby.) I’m reading about Prince Harry and Ryan Lochte being best friends. I think Ryan Lochte is one of the hottest guys ever, I don’t care if he’s an idiot. HE’S HOT AS F*%K!
Oh god, the shot of Paige running through the grass in her boot is just the saddest! Wait, did Kelly just take her kids out of the dress rehearsal? That’s messed up.
Wait. All the dance moms are getting hammered at a random bar? I don’t understand what is happening. Sue, are all bars in PA like this? Mufasa just did a body shot off of some dude? Anna, they are much dirtier. This actually looks way classier than some of the $0.25 rum and coke joints of my past.
What is with the Kangol hats? Abby has no idea about hip hop. Have you even heard of Nicki Minaj????
UGH. Abby don’t say that the girls gave you luke warm instead of fire. Just admit you choreographed a terrible dance. Sorry, I’ve really stopped paying attention because Ryan Lochte is so GD hot. HOW DO YOU GET ABS LIKE THAT? Peyton, Ryan, let us know!
Kenall is kind of a baby, right? Like, she always freaks out in the dressing room.
Ok. Side note. I am super pumped for football season to start. My fantasy draft is on Sunday night and I really hope I get a decent spot in the draft, because if I don’t get Aaron Rodgers or Cam Newton I JUST MIGHT DIE. Sorry, I forgot that nobody that reads this gives a shit.
Wait, so wearing a dirty hat makes you homeless? I don’t understand this dance. But they are dancing it beautifully. YOU GO GIRLS! Those turns are unreal. Chloe rocked it.
Wait, why are Brooke and Maddie wearing crowns? I don’t get it. HALP!
Cathy is so ridiculous haha she actually thinks her studio is better than Abby’s? Then why isn’t the show about Candy Apple’s?
OMG. NIA GOT THE SCHOLARSHIP! Holly’s face after it was announced was priceless. I am so happy for both of them. Nia is THE SHIT!
Wait, why do they call it a “dance concert” instead of a “dance recital”? I’ve never even heard of a dance concert.
Some weird shit happens with Kelly and other alumni after the party. I don’t know.
Woah. Cathy is trying to pick up dancers and bring them to her own studio with Jeff Daniels. I don’t understand? Why is she even at the party? Oh, JILL invited Cathy. What a dum dum. This woman is a legit psycho.
Holy shit. Nakaia’s mom in the scenes for next week are crazy. This woman looks like something out of Real Housewives of Atlanta. NENEEEEEEE!