Ok gang. Sue just moved to LA for a month and I’m LOSING IT! I’ve been sitting here eating almond butter by the scoop, I’m pretty sure I’m capable of eating a whole jar. But then I’ll be constipated for a week!!!!
Anyways, this recap might be a little depressed because I miss my Suzy. But let’s get started!
The girls are goin’ goin’ back back to Cali Cali!!
Smart move Abby, putting the chick with the boot on the bottom of the pyramid. Durrrrrr.
We all know Kelly is going to take it personally that her daughters are on the bottom. Puh-lease.
Now Nia’s back in the middle. But with only Chlo and Maddie above her I think that’s still pretty good?
Woah, guys. I just started this paleo diet where you only eat food that cavemen ate, like meat, veggies, nuts, and fruit. And let’s just say that I’ve eaten so much protein that I could sit on a child and severely injure them.
These chicks are doing push ups!! Hard core!
Also, why is Paige dancing? This chick is never going to get better if she keeps dancing on a broken foot.
WE <3 Paige.
OOOOOH THE KIDS ARE IN AN INSANE ASYLUM TODAY!
I’m pumped for this. They’re all dancing like meth addicts which reminds me of Breaking Bad. Jeez, sometimes I wish this was Breaking Bad. But then I see So and So’s adorable face and realize why I’m watching!
Woah. They brought in a new chick! Kaya and her daughter Nicaya.
Holy crap. This new mom comes in and starts bashing the Abby Lee Dance Co. She mentions that the girls don’t have enough “diva-tude”—yeah, it’s because they’re boring and white.
KAYA IS A CRAZY BITCH AND I CANNOT WAIT. She also loves it when Abby yells at her.
I have no idea what is going to happen but I’m excited for it. I wish Sue was here! She’s staying at a place in LA that doesn’t have cable.
“She’s gonna learn how to spell these stupidass dance terms.” Jeez I love this woman.
Finally they mention Brooke’s song! It’s so good. Also, if Paige was her hype girl I would love it.
Woah. Kendall is super racist. She just said that instead of “Nini” which is Nicaya’s nickname, she’s going to call her Laquifa. Wow. SIMBA IS A BITCH.
Kaya says that she’s a lesbian. Ok, she’s pretty amazing. But it’s also very sad that she has to raise four children on her own :( No wonder she’s f-ing crazy.
I think about it all the time! About how my mom is crazy because we never had a nanny growing up. The fact that she raised three kids by herself made her crazy because we were nightmares. I love ya mom, but yer cray cray!
So verdict is Paige can dance, but she can’t do tricks. I really hope that this doesn’t severely mangle her foot forever.
So Abby makes Kaya come to LA even though Nini isn’t going to dance. This was clearly a producer decision because we all know Kaya is ready to blow at any moment.
KAYA PICKED UP A GAY VIBE FROM MELISSA! This is what we’ve been saying all along, thank you Kaya!
Mufasa is f-ing crazy. Get her off the show please. And that high voice? Yuck.
Seeing Abby dance for Nia finally makes it click. No wonder she’s such a freak about all the girls knowing their terms! It’s because she can’t show them how to do it!
Nia’s solo looks like it’s going to be awesome though.
So and So is getting old. Her one lines aren’t as good as they used to be.
Why the hell is Abby pitting Paige and Nini against each other? Poor Paige is in pain and I feel so bad for her :( Also, I feel bad for Nini because she’s getting played!
“I want Nini to take out Brokeback Brooke and Pegleg Paige …” This woman writes comedic gold.
When Abby loses her voice it makes me anxious and uncomfortable. Stop screaming! Also, drink some tea or some water or something.
Chloe’s Solo
Eh. It’s a little boring. Her costume is cool I guess? Her turns were cool? But what is with this song?
Nia’s Solo
I love Holly’s face whenever Nia dances. Also, Nia is adorable. Her attitude is my favorite! Also, that afro in the confessional was badass! I love Nia. TEAM NIA!
Mac’s Solo
What is with the continued close up of that one judge with the glasses? Also, MAC! Those crazy flip things that you did were awesome! But I’m kind of agreeing with Kaya. These girls don’t have much personality.
Abby is being a beyotch about this group number. I can’t believe she had both girls get into costumes and then dance it out against each other pretty much. This is so sad.
It’s nice that Abby gave both of them a chance to be in this batshit crazy dance …
Awards
Mac got third place! Yay. But I want to see her do something besides acro.
Nia got tenth place?! WTF. NIA WAS ROBBED.
Chlo got fifth?
I know why solos didn’t place high. It’s because Abby was so focused on the group routine, but it paid off because it got first place!
Kaya’s f-ing crazy. I actually hate it. I also love Holly, way to stand up for yourself!
This episode gets 2 out of 5 apples. Because even though Kaya is a cool addition, the episode was a little boring …
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