Woah. This episode starts in LA. Where Sue is. Come home please why don’t ya? (Hi Anna! The weather is too good here. I can’t.)
Paige has got a perm again. Does this girl have naturally straight or curly hair? Plz. This is important.
Kaya is just instantly removed from the show after one episode. What the hell happened with her? I mean, I don’t miss her or anything, but normally new mommas get more than one episode, right?
Kendall is part of the pyramid! YGG! Even though she’s on the bottom, but whateves.
Paige and Brooke are also on the bottom, what else is new, but DUN DUN DUNNNNNN MADDIE IS TOO!
Nia, is 3rd from the top. I’d prefer she’d be on the top, but we all can’t get what we want right?!
Chlo is 2nd best, and MAC IS ON TOP! I love it. Her pigtails are stupidly adorable.
INTENSITY DANCE COMPETITION!
Mac is doing a solo about the beach.
Chlo is going a solo about a ghost.
Paige is doing a solo …
Kendall is going a solo about kisses.
Nia is doing a 60’s solo? Ethnic perhaps?
Brooke is doing a solo with lots of aerials, what else is new?
MADDIE DOESN’T GET A SOLO. Why is she torturing her?! Sue, I know you’ll disagree with me but this is awful and I feel so bad for her. Everyone has a solo but her! Everyone is so sad for her! She deserves to feel pain once in awhile! All the moms are sad except for goddamn Mufasa who’s got the worst smirk on her face. WE HATE YOU JILL!
Gross. We see Melissa leave the room and her bigass tan bra is hanging out. She also sneaks off for a secret meeting? What is going on? She’s taking the girls to a talent agency. In full make up. Those girls look insane. If they were ever in a commercial there is no way they would have that much make up on!
Paige’s foot is hurting her. DON’T MAKE HER DANCE UNTIL IT’S HEALED!
Also, whenever a kid is crying JILL IS SMILING. MUFASA AS A NICKNAME HAS NEVER BEEN MORE FITTING.
Kelly announces that they are professionally recording Brooke’s song (WHICH WE LOVE) and they want the girls to sing back up. I love it.
Nia’s hair looks amazing. I love Nia. I wish I was younger so we could be friends.
Melissa creates some dramz. Abby is actually super cool to the girls about it :)
Ugh. Some black and white dramz moments about Maddie and her solo. What is happening with this show? When is Candy Apple’s coming back??
Guys, side note: my sister was here all weekend and I think I gained about 20 lbs. We had NY Pizza 2 nights in a row, and today we ate our weight in Momofuku’s Milk Bar “crack pie” and “compost cookies” and “b’day cake truffles”.
Seriously. We also had gelato today. I’m losing it Sue!
Anna, I just had a paner tikka masala bowl on Hollywood Blvd and thought of you! I should have brought my hair extensions to LA.
Anyways, Abby has the girls go out in the street and dance with a handheld camera from 1985. Can’t wait to see how that video turns out …
Why are all the girls wearing huge fake diamond earrings these days? They look like women from the Titanic!
Maddie gets a solo. And Abby says she’s “rusty”. Gimme a break!
Ooh wait, here’s a pic of the b’day cake truffles, they are literally cookie dough. Delicious.
Abby is wearing a necklace that reminds me of the licorice candy “Good n Plenty” my dad loves those. I could really use some right about now. Licorice is a great digestif after binging on Milk Bar delicacies.
Woah. Mac’s costume is the most adorable thing right now. They drew freckles on her?! CUTENESS OVERLOAD!
Oh no. She CHLO’S IT! But survives? What is with those earrings though? I don’t understand.
Kendall’s solo is super sexy. What is with that crazy lips bra thing? That costume is not appropriate for a child. Mufasa looks like she needs to bite down on a spoon while she watches Kendall dance. Ugh, I hate her.
Abby seriously looks like a box of “Good n Plenty” to me.
Ok. Nia’s got a crazy wig on. What gives? But I love this dance. Abby gave Nia all the cute fun moves. Nia should totally do musical theater when she goes to college (then she could meet someone like me and they would be best friends). Anyways, Nia rocks.
Maddie’s costume is simple and beautiful I think. Her solo is a typical Maddie solo. Nothing special there. But she does dance it beautifully. Nothing new there as well. I want to see what she does with a dance like Nia’s. Melissa has a heart attack at the end of the dance. Then she has a lezzie moment with Abby.
Also, side bar: Holly’s dress. I love it! Holly and Nia are the best dance moms couple by far. I love that family.
Chlo’s solo is now. About some ghost or something. I’m sick of Chloe and Maddie doing the same contemporary bullshit. Do something new please!
Poor Paige is in so much pain backstage because of her foot. Also, she’s dressed like one of my Italian aunts in the early 90’s. I swear one of them had white lace pants. Kelly looks verifiably insane during the entire dance. Poor Paige clearly is in so much pain. Why did she dance?!
Oof. A twix commercial. Yum. If I didn’t live on the 4th floor of a walk up, I would go down to the deli and get one. THAT’S WHERE I AM RIGHT NOW.
Anyways, I can’t wait to see Brooke do a solo! It’s been forever! She nails it. I can’t wait until she moves to Vegas and we can see her in Cirque. Seriously though, Cirque du Soleil is amazing. I wish I could watch that right now!
Mac gets first place?! Cray. Guess that mess up was ok.
Chlo gets 6th place … yawn.
Kendall gets 5th place … Jill flips out about her beating Chloe. I HATE THIS WOMAN SO MUCH.
Maddie gets 1st place … yawn.
Nia didn’t place?!??!!?!?!!? I don’t understand!
Brooke got 4th place. Meh.
I’m gonna rate this 2 out of 5 candy apples for lack of Candy Apple’s.