Dance Moms Drama

Hey guys! Sue here! Long time no see. I have so much to tell you guys. First, when I hear Vanessa Hudgens’ name, in my head I think, “Vanessa Hug and Kiss.” Am I the only one? Second, Anna and I totally spaced last week and didn’t do the recap. Oops. But it looks like we missed a lot. Third, I went to Soul Cycle last night and a.) Allison Williams was in my class! and b.) OMG I am in so much pain this morning.

This is what Sue was doing everyone. Sue, you crazy!

I think that about covers it. Oh! Anna and I went for a sexy oyster dinner last night and now my jeans don’t fit right. Oops.

Sue, don’t even get me started I had such sexy dreams last night! Oysters make you horny! Right?!?!

Oh, the pyramid is happening. Kelly has a nice new chestnut brown color in her confessional. Maybe it’s just the lighting? It brings out her eyes.

Abby says Asia from her Ultimate Dance Competition is going to be showing. Ohhkay. Whatever. I’ve been so mucusy lately. I was deathly sick last week and I couldn’t shake it. I swear. I was in bed for three days. Which is so unlike me. But, anyway, I feel better now I just am like a snot volcano fountain over here.

So what did I miss last week? Melissa got married and the choreographer wore some weird 80s thigh-high stuffs?

The theme for this is reincarnation and stuff. Yo, what’s your feelings about Long Island Medium? I LOVE her. I think she is so real and spot on. But all of our friends were saying at dinner last night that she was a sham.

Anna here, Sue and I love Theresa Caputo! My friend is going to be on an episode next season!! Wooooooo!

Cathy and her gimmicky Candy Apple’s are in this episode, PJ (praise Jesus.) Her guest choreographer is John Culbertson. A very tan man who is friends with Abby… Why all the guest choreographers?

Remember when we first met Cathy? I wonder if she’s still obsessed with purses.

Abby tells Melissa she’s thinking of getting Broadway Baby stuffed. That’s the weirdest shit I ever heard. When I was in high school I used to party at this girl Amanda Paul’s house, and they had a stuffed albino squirrel on top of the TV (before TVs were flat). It was the grossest thing ever.

Cathy Candy Aps is choreographing something about the Depression. The moms call Asia’s Mom Skinny Kristi. How rude!

The moms try to intimidate her about the contract and tell her that if she leaves before a year she’ll owe Abby $100K and she goes, “Thank god I have $100,000.” WERK!

Abby asks Kristi if they are being nice to her. Oh, go cry into your taxidermied dog, Abby. Stop trying to start shit.

Kristi is in Mufasa’s seat on the buss. OOOOh lawwwwwd watch out. These girls got their assigned seats! YOU GUYS! DO YOU EVEN KNOW WHAT HAPPENED TO ME AT SOUL CYCLE? I asked the guy on the bike next to my friend if he would switch with me so I could sit next to her and he was like, “But this is my bike.” Super mean. NO IT AIN’T! It doesn’t have your name on it! He finally did but he was SO RUDE!!!

We get it Sue, you work out with celebrities!!!! Meanwhile I’m over here eating a sausage egg and cheese sandwich. Guys, I tried to do this paleo diet and it just isn’t working for me! Girl’s gotta eat cheese and bread!

Abby goes to the taxidermy farm and homeboy’s got zebras and lizards and shit. You guys watch that episode of the Kardashians where Scott kills a gator? Yuck. That scene where they skin the gator has been haunting me for the last week.

The moms try to stir some shit and speculate whether Asia will replace Kenz. Please. Just. Please.

I love all these hallway shots of Abby approaching. They’re so dramatic and amazing. Abby gives John a huge hug to intimidate Cathy Candy Aps.

Asia’s solo is great and I love the music. But. What’s with the weird bunny/dog costume? It totally doesn’t match.

The Candy App’s duet is very Dance Moms Miami. Remember those crazies? Also, where did Cathy get this random girl from?

The trio is great and I love their sassy orange outfits.

Cathy Candy Apps group number is actually interesting. Even my boyfriend said, “I feel like this is really good, right? That choreographer guy looks like something from Twin Peaks.”

Abby’s group number is good… but like, medium.

Asia wins first place, the trio wins second, Cathy’s boys win a perfect score first place and my boyfriend says, “Told you that was good.”

Then, of course, we cut to the dressing room and do a Cathy/Abby fight. Abby needs to take it easy on her voice!

This episode gets 4 out of 5 candy apples, because we love Cathy and Abby in the same room together!

Posted at 12:25pm and tagged with: Dance mom, dance moms, lifetime, abby lee miller, abby lee, cathy, CADC, aldc, Dance competition, dance, dance recital, Mackenzie Ziegler, maddie ziegler, chloe luksiak, nia, pennsylvania, ohio,.

October 18th 2012

AUDC Recap; Season 1, Episode 1

2 notes |#

Premiere!

IF YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE HEAT, GET OUT OF THE SPOTLIGHT!

Ok, 12 dancers are going to compete for $100,000 and a scholarship to Joffery. This is something we can get on board with.

Carson Daly has come back from the 1990’s to host this so that’s pretty cool. Actually this guy’s name is Kevin or something, but we’re gonna call him Carson. Carson Kressly had such a weird nose. Remember that guy from “Queer Eye for the Straight Guy”? I literally wrote my senior thesis about that show.

Abby’s hair looks AWESOME. Such luscious curls and a blinged out headband! You go girl!

First Group Challenge:

They have 45 minutes to learn a routine, and then Abby chooses who is the best. The winner of that challenge gets to choose their style of dance.

Each week they get a different “skill” this week it’s TECHNIQUE.

The moms all sit there and watch the entire competition. This is so stressful for these small kids I feel so bad for them!!

TECHNIQUE WINNER: Elizabeth (aka Brittany from Glee)

Now they’re all being put into dance trios and Asia just never stops being f-ing adorable. I am in love with her. So she’s in the hop hop trio.

The jazz trio looks pretty badass as well. Can Evette just shut the f up? Let the choreographer work! She’s kind of insane, but at least that trio gets to work with two teachers? That can’t be allowed …

The contemporary one looks great too …

OH SHIT WE GOT A TAP ROUTINE! Ok, this show is going to be pretty awesome …

Tua and her mom need some xanax stat. Those two make me nervous just looking at them.

The show starts!

HIP HOP IS FIRST.

Hmm. Kind of a weird dance. Why did they make Asia the lead? I don’t like trios when one person is the lead. Wow, Lexine and her mother are crazy as well. Why is everyone in America A MESS?!

JAZZ IS NEXT.

Ok. This is cool. I don’t get the 80’s theme, but whatever.

NOW TAP.

This better be good, Hollywood Tap is my jam! Singing in the rain please! Ugh the choreography AND costumes sucked so much. Also, Tessa looks like a robot. Thanks for pointing that out Abbs.

CONTEMPORARY.

Holy shit this was amazing. If any of these girls go home I will be very upset. They are all fabulous!

Wow. Elizabeth just starts crying about how her parents are getting a divorce? So unexpected, I don’t understand what’s happening!!

TESSA AND HER FREAKY SKINNY ASS MOM ARE OUT!

Ok, I think I like this show.

Posted at 4:48pm and tagged with: abby's ultimate dance competition, abby lee miller, abby lee, dance, competition, jazz, hip hop, lifetime, show, girls,.

September 5th 2012

Season 2, Episode 25 Recap in LA LA LAND

4 notes |#

Woah. This episode starts in LA. Where Sue is. Come home please why don’t ya? (Hi Anna! The weather is too good here. I can’t.)

Paige has got a perm again. Does this girl have naturally straight or curly hair? Plz. This is important.

Kaya is just instantly removed from the show after one episode. What the hell happened with her? I mean, I don’t miss her or anything, but normally new mommas get more than one episode, right?

Kendall is part of the pyramid! YGG! Even though she’s on the bottom, but whateves.

Paige and Brooke are also on the bottom, what else is new, but DUN DUN DUNNNNNN MADDIE IS TOO!

Nia, is 3rd from the top. I’d prefer she’d be on the top, but we all can’t get what we want right?!

Chlo is 2nd best, and MAC IS ON TOP! I love it. Her pigtails are stupidly adorable.

INTENSITY DANCE COMPETITION!

Mac is doing a solo about the beach.

Chlo is going a solo about a ghost.

Paige is doing a solo …

Kendall is going a solo about kisses.

Nia is doing a 60’s solo? Ethnic perhaps?

Brooke is doing a solo with lots of aerials, what else is new?

MADDIE DOESN’T GET A SOLO. Why is she torturing her?! Sue, I know you’ll disagree with me but this is awful and I feel so bad for her. Everyone has a solo but her! Everyone is so sad for her! She deserves to feel pain once in awhile! All the moms are sad except for goddamn Mufasa who’s got the worst smirk on her face. WE HATE YOU JILL!

Gross. We see Melissa leave the room and her bigass tan bra is hanging out. She also sneaks off for a secret meeting? What is going on? She’s taking the girls to a talent agency. In full make up. Those girls look insane. If they were ever in a commercial there is no way they would have that much make up on!

Paige’s foot is hurting her. DON’T MAKE HER DANCE UNTIL IT’S HEALED!

Also, whenever a kid is crying JILL IS SMILING. MUFASA AS A NICKNAME HAS NEVER BEEN MORE FITTING.

Kelly announces that they are professionally recording Brooke’s song (WHICH WE LOVE) and they want the girls to sing back up. I love it.

Nia’s hair looks amazing. I love Nia. I wish I was younger so we could be friends.

Melissa creates some dramz. Abby is actually super cool to the girls about it :)

Ugh. Some black and white dramz moments about Maddie and her solo. What is happening with this show? When is Candy Apple’s coming back??

Guys, side note: my sister was here all weekend and I think I gained about 20 lbs. We had NY Pizza 2 nights in a row, and today we ate our weight in Momofuku’s Milk Bar “crack pie” and “compost cookies” and “b’day cake truffles”.

Seriously. We also had gelato today. I’m losing it Sue!

Anna, I just had a paner tikka masala bowl on Hollywood Blvd and thought of you! I should have brought my hair extensions to LA.

Anyways, Abby has the girls go out in the street and dance with a handheld camera from 1985. Can’t wait to see how that video turns out …

Why are all the girls wearing huge fake diamond earrings these days? They look like women from the Titanic!

Maddie gets a solo. And Abby says she’s “rusty”. Gimme a break!

Ooh wait, here’s a pic of the b’day cake truffles, they are literally cookie dough. Delicious.

Abby is wearing a necklace that reminds me of the licorice candy “Good n Plenty” my dad loves those. I could really use some right about now. Licorice is a great digestif after binging on Milk Bar delicacies.
Woah. Mac’s costume is the most adorable thing right now. They drew freckles on her?! CUTENESS OVERLOAD!

Oh no. She CHLO’S IT! But survives? What is with those earrings though? I don’t understand.

Kendall’s solo is super sexy. What is with that crazy lips bra thing? That costume is not appropriate for a child. Mufasa looks like she needs to bite down on a spoon while she watches Kendall dance. Ugh, I hate her.

Abby seriously looks like a box of “Good n Plenty” to me.

Ok. Nia’s got a crazy wig on. What gives? But I love this dance. Abby gave Nia all the cute fun moves. Nia should totally do musical theater when she goes to college (then she could meet someone like me and they would be best friends). Anyways, Nia rocks.

Maddie’s costume is simple and beautiful I think. Her solo is a typical Maddie solo. Nothing special there. But she does dance it beautifully. Nothing new there as well. I want to see what she does with a dance like Nia’s. Melissa has a heart attack at the end of the dance. Then she has a lezzie moment with Abby.

Also, side bar: Holly’s dress. I love it! Holly and Nia are the best dance moms couple by far. I love that family.

Chlo’s solo is now. About some ghost or something. I’m sick of Chloe and Maddie doing the same contemporary bullshit. Do something new please!

Poor Paige is in so much pain backstage because of her foot. Also, she’s dressed like one of my Italian aunts in the early 90’s. I swear one of them had white lace pants. Kelly looks verifiably insane during the entire dance. Poor Paige clearly is in so much pain. Why did she dance?!

Oof. A twix commercial. Yum. If I didn’t live on the 4th floor of a walk up, I would go down to the deli and get one. THAT’S WHERE I AM RIGHT NOW.

Anyways, I can’t wait to see Brooke do a solo! It’s been forever! She nails it. I can’t wait until she moves to Vegas and we can see her in Cirque. Seriously though, Cirque du Soleil is amazing. I wish I could watch that right now!

Mac gets first place?! Cray. Guess that mess up was ok.

Chlo gets 6th place … yawn.

Kendall gets 5th place … Jill flips out about her beating Chloe. I HATE THIS WOMAN SO MUCH.

Maddie gets 1st place … yawn.

Nia didn’t place?!??!!?!?!!? I don’t understand!

Brooke got 4th place. Meh.

I’m gonna rate this 2 out of 5 candy apples for lack of Candy Apple’s.

Posted at 12:16am and tagged with: dance, dance moms, lifetime, funny, girls, LA, abby lee, abby lee miller, ziegler sisters, dance competition, milk bar, cookies, dessert, candy,.

August 29th 2012

Season 2, Episode 24 Recap. WOAH NEW MOMMA!

2 notes |#

Ok gang. Sue just moved to LA for a month and I’m LOSING IT! I’ve been sitting here eating almond butter by the scoop, I’m pretty sure I’m capable of eating a whole jar. But then I’ll be constipated for a week!!!!

Anyways, this recap might be a little depressed because I miss my Suzy. But let’s get started!

The girls are goin’ goin’ back back to Cali Cali!!

Smart move Abby, putting the chick with the boot on the bottom of the pyramid. Durrrrrr.

We all know Kelly is going to take it personally that her daughters are on the bottom. Puh-lease.

Now Nia’s back in the middle. But with only Chlo and Maddie above her I think that’s still pretty good?

Woah, guys. I just started this paleo diet where you only eat food that cavemen ate, like meat, veggies, nuts, and fruit. And let’s just say that I’ve eaten so much protein that I could sit on a child and severely injure them.

These chicks are doing push ups!! Hard core!

Also, why is Paige dancing? This chick is never going to get better if she keeps dancing on a broken foot.

WE <3 Paige.

OOOOOH THE KIDS ARE IN AN INSANE ASYLUM TODAY!

I’m pumped for this. They’re all dancing like meth addicts which reminds me of Breaking Bad. Jeez, sometimes I wish this was Breaking Bad. But then I see So and So’s adorable face and realize why I’m watching!

Woah. They brought in a new chick! Kaya and her daughter Nicaya.

Holy crap. This new mom comes in and starts bashing the Abby Lee Dance Co. She mentions that the girls don’t have enough “diva-tude”—yeah, it’s because they’re boring and white.

KAYA IS A CRAZY BITCH AND I CANNOT WAIT. She also loves it when Abby yells at her.

I have no idea what is going to happen but I’m excited for it. I wish Sue was here! She’s staying at a place in LA that doesn’t have cable.

“She’s gonna learn how to spell these stupidass dance terms.” Jeez I love this woman.

Finally they mention Brooke’s song! It’s so good. Also, if Paige was her hype girl I would love it.

Woah. Kendall is super racist. She just said that instead of “Nini” which is Nicaya’s nickname, she’s going to call her Laquifa. Wow. SIMBA IS A BITCH.

Kaya says that she’s a lesbian. Ok, she’s pretty amazing. But it’s also very sad that she has to raise four children on her own :( No wonder she’s f-ing crazy.

I think about it all the time! About how my mom is crazy because we never had a nanny growing up. The fact that she raised three kids by herself made her crazy because we were nightmares. I love ya mom, but yer cray cray!

So verdict is Paige can dance, but she can’t do tricks. I really hope that this doesn’t severely mangle her foot forever.

So Abby makes Kaya come to LA even though Nini isn’t going to dance. This was clearly a producer decision because we all know Kaya is ready to blow at any moment.

KAYA PICKED UP A GAY VIBE FROM MELISSA! This is what we’ve been saying all along, thank you Kaya!

Mufasa is f-ing crazy. Get her off the show please. And that high voice? Yuck.

Seeing Abby dance for Nia finally makes it click. No wonder she’s such a freak about all the girls knowing their terms! It’s because she can’t show them how to do it!

Nia’s solo looks like it’s going to be awesome though.

So and So is getting old. Her one lines aren’t as good as they used to be.

Why the hell is Abby pitting Paige and Nini against each other? Poor Paige is in pain and I feel so bad for her :( Also, I feel bad for Nini because she’s getting played!

“I want Nini to take out Brokeback Brooke and Pegleg Paige …” This woman writes comedic gold.

When Abby loses her voice it makes me anxious and uncomfortable. Stop screaming! Also, drink some tea or some water or something.

Chloe’s Solo

Eh. It’s a little boring. Her costume is cool I guess? Her turns were cool? But what is with this song?

Nia’s Solo
I love Holly’s face whenever Nia dances. Also, Nia is adorable. Her attitude is my favorite! Also, that afro in the confessional was badass! I love Nia. TEAM NIA!

Mac’s Solo

What is with the continued close up of that one judge with the glasses? Also, MAC! Those crazy flip things that you did were awesome! But I’m kind of agreeing with Kaya. These girls don’t have much personality.

Abby is being a beyotch about this group number. I can’t believe she had both girls get into costumes and then dance it out against each other pretty much. This is so sad.

It’s nice that Abby gave both of them a chance to be in this batshit crazy dance …

Awards

Mac got third place! Yay. But I want to see her do something besides acro.

Nia got tenth place?! WTF. NIA WAS ROBBED.

Chlo got fifth?

I know why solos didn’t place high. It’s because Abby was so focused on the group routine, but it paid off because it got first place!

Kaya’s f-ing crazy. I actually hate it. I also love Holly, way to stand up for yourself!

This episode gets 2 out of 5 apples. Because even though Kaya is a cool addition, the episode was a little boring …

Posted at 11:38am and tagged with: mom, dance mom, kaya, maddie ziegler, mackenzie ziegler, chloe, nia, holly, kendall, jill, abby lee, abby lee miller, lifetime, dance moms, dance, competition, jazz, contemporary, candy apples,.

August 15th 2012

Dance Moms Recap Season 2, Ep 22 WEEK OF NIA!

5 notes |#

Hey guys! It’s me, Sue, here. First off: some news. Anna and I met up with our friend the hotel spy who was working while Abby and the Dance Moms stayed there. She said that Abby paid $200 for someone to come to her hotel room at the last minute for a blowdry on a Monday night. Two hundo? That shit cray! Ain’t she ever heard of Jean Louis David? Also, she said that the girls all wear extensions.

Abby puts Brooke on the bottom for being injured last week. That ain’t fair. NIA IS AT THE TOP!!!! We’ve been waiting two seasons for this!

Anna here, I’ve been having a shitty week and the fact that Nia is finally on top of the pyramid means that EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK! YGG! Also, I’ve decided to take this moment to dedicate our post to Nia pics and gifs. WE LOVE YOU!

Wait. In Chrisit’s confessional—does she have a tooth missing? There’s a huge black gap in her mouth, has she had this all this time? What a piece of white trash!! She prob banged it out with a wine glass.

The group number sounds weird. Some stuff about fitting in. Abby should have a talk show: “Deep Thoughts With Abby Lee Miller.” More like deep vagina. I bet it’s like throwing a hotdog down a hallway in there. Ew, I’m grossing myself out. Didn’t someone once say Abby was a virgin anyway?

OMG THE DANCE IS CALLED TAKEN! I was almost taken when I went to Spain. I kept tweeting at Liam Neeson though to let him know I was ok.

Also, Melissa has got to be pregnant. Or she has a giant belly tumor. That’s actually a thing though, this girl I know had a tumor in her stomach, everyone just thought she was weirdly fat, then she got it removed and was super sexy. Weird, right??

The moms are bitching about the group dance and start yelling so loud that the girls start hearing them from their treehouse in the sky. Has anyone seen the Timothy Green movie yet? Anna and I went to see The Queen of Versailles this weekend. It was good but kinda sad and I was kinda not impressed by the story arch. Just depressed the whole time.

Anyway, Christi calls Melissa out for having an affair with her married boss (DRAMA!) and Melissa says, “Fuck you,” calls her a bitch, and leaves. YGG! Shit is getting real this season. I feel terrible for her children :(

ALSO, Holly has Michelle Obama arms. WE LIKEY!

Melissa and her girls don’t show up the next day and Abby starts crying big ol tears. We cut to Candy Apple’s, where Cathy has brought back Mitchell & Michael, The M&M choreographers who did that racist Asian shit last time. Why the hell does Cathy hire choreographers to choreograph her own studio? Why does she have her own dance studio again? I’m confused.

I really need to brush my teeth. It’s like they’re wearing tiny wool sweaters.

Sue, that made me laugh so hard. But eww, gross. I floss every day sometimes twice a day I get really weird about my teeth. I blame it on my ex-boyfriend.

Candy Ap’s boys are doing a duet. Weird. They are pretending Jill’s face is on the table? I don’t understand …

Nia is something called the “Dance Captain” this week so she has to call Maddie and beg her to get her ass to rehearsal so Abby can feel complete. Nia is so smart, she is the only sane person on this show I think. When she said “I’m not her mom.” Girl is genius.

You guys been watching “Beverly Hills Nannies”? It’s really good. I’m going to LA next month and I’m scared everyone there is going to be like that. SUE DON’T GO! What am I going to do for a whole month? I miss you already :(

When Abby hears the Aps will be at the competition, she makes Maddie do a solo, even though she said she wasn’t initially. It’s so weird that Abby is actually scared of them. I wonder what size her boobs are? I watched “Strange Sex” on TLC today and the woman had the biggest breasts in the world and they were size 102 ZZZ! And she was so happy and accepting of her body. I wish I could be more body accepting like that.

I know me too Sue! Guys, we are both trying to start working out more. Yesterday I took an insane spin class that left me paralyzed for the rest of the night. For real, I am so sore. I need to start going to the gym more often, how’s insanity treatin ya Sue?

Melissa refuses to let Maddie do the solo since it’s the night before the competition and she hasn’t had time to practice.

Abby suspects Justice’s duet partner, DRAZEN, is a wringer and not really a Candy Ap. DRAZEN? Ugh, go to hell. Did you watch Louie this week? One of the kids was named NEVER. And then he took a shit in the bathtub. It was brilliant.

Chloe’s solo is dark and goth and gorgeous. I love it. It’s probably my favorite of all her solos. Justice needs to get a haircut, that’s for sure. He looks like a Lost Boy. It’s a cute dance though. Honestly, are we in Titantic? So dramatic. Also, that dance blew, not artistic at all. It looked like the dance people go when they make fun of musical theater kids in high school.

Yo, wtf is with the bonnets in the group number? That’s some 19 Kids and Counting shit. It’s a gorgeous dance though… Eh, Sue I thought it was weird.

Cathy stops the Candy App’s group number before they begin it because she’s ridic. What do you think about maxi dresses? I’ve always thought I was too short for them but maybe I should try one. Sue, you know I love a good maxi. But I have so much junk in the trunk that sometimes the guy on the corner (Floppy’s friend) screams profanities … Anyway, the Candy Aps have a fine group number. The costumes are snoozefingers. I love when they cut to reaction shots of Abby breathing through her mouth. Homegirl totally sleeps with one of those sleep apnea machines. Right??

OMG. Chloe loses to Justice by a tenth of a point. IS THERE NO HUMANITY IN THIS WORLD? The Candy App’s group number gets third and Abby gets first, even though they look like Sister Wives with those bonnets.

Abby is so weird and competitive in the green room. What the hell is her problem? It’s creepy. She just walked in and started being terrible to everyone. Wow, I’ve never been so embarrassed for another human being like this.

The DRAZEN/JUSTICE duet is some Newsies weirdness, are they dancing to dubstep?? WTF. The Kendall/So and So duet is adorable. The girls beat them. GIRL POWER! It’s all bc Justice was too busy smirking. Also, Mackenzie’s face at the end of the dance is PRICELESS!

Abby says, “Two out of three. I didn’t get my clean sweep. We can blame Chloe for that.” What a cunt. That is honestly so emotionally abusive. Chloe is going to be severely damaged for the rest of her life— so sad!

Melissa and Cathy Candy Apps start a remarkable fight in the green room. So great.

This episode gets three out of five candy apples. More Holly and Nia please though!!

Posted at 9:23am and tagged with: DANCE MOMS, LIFETIME, abby lee, abby lee miller, maddie, dance, chloe, nia, mackenzie, brooke, paige, hyland, melissa, holly, kelly,.

August 8th 2012

Dance Moms Recap Season 2, Episode 21

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I’m back from Spain!! Hello everybody! I’m fatter and tanner than ever! I missed Sue and I can’t wait to give her the nutella I brought her tomorrow… I housed an entire jar in two days. I’m starting a juice cleanse tomorrow. Nobody thinks I can do it …

Hi! Sue here. Okay, Anna didn’t get fat at all! ALSO: I totally think she can do a juice cleanse because she’s a SBW!

I wonder if she missed these bitches while she was in Thpain?

Answer: YES! But mostly Nia and Mac.

Woah. Paige and Kelly are at the doctor’s and Abby’s freaking that they’re missing the pyramid. Also, I love how Christi has become the “Jim” of Dance Moms. The camera just loves zooming in on her rolling her eyes whenever Abby speaks. Comedic relief.

Who the hell just said “yes!” when Abby announced they were going to Philly? A cream cheese lover, clearly. Philly is about as exciting as rice cakes, sheesh.

Bottom of the pyramid—Paige. Sad. She can’t help her ankle injury! She was just trying to do tricks!

Mac and Chlo are also on the bottom? What is going on in the world? NOT FAIR. DON’T MAKE ME GET CHRISSY CROCKER ON YOU.

Nia should be on top this week. She WERKED.

Boring Maddie is on top, obvs.

Mac (So and So, I’ve decided to call her Mac this week) has her own solo, I love it! She’s kinda outgrown the So and So moniker, anyway, because she’s way more memorable than she used to be.

Brooke gets a solo about Anne Frank (who she doesn’t know about bc homegirl don’t go to school!) and I straight up LAUGHED OUT LOUD. OUT LOUD. Abby hates Brooke so bad.

This is Anne Frank: LEARN.

Chlo and Paige finally get the duet they’ve been begging for … the week Paige breaks her ankle. Why you gotta be such a B Abby???

Abby has the girls do more ballet for ONCE in her life and I don’t know if you can hear it but it sounds like they’re going to be dancing to that cute “Alouette” song from the target commercials! I love it so much! When I hear it I pretend I’m Amelie and bounce around like I’m wearing yellow rain boots. My friend just named her daughter Amelie. Adorbs.

Poor Paige she looks so sad in that boot! I can’t believe that Abby is making her stay and do her homework, what is this gym class? Remember when the teachers used to make you sit and watch if you had an injury? I always made up injuries so I could sit out. I’ve never broken a bone, and I always fantasized about having a cast. But then once this kid in my class had one and it got real smelly. OMG, ANNA! Me too! I ALWAYS wished I had a cast for everyone to sign. But when they started making them with the tape instead of the plaster, they were harder to sign and it wasn’t as chic.

Anyway, Abby reacts to the news that Paige can’t dance for 4-6 weeks like she’s just heard the Titanic has no food. Bleak.

Hahahaha Christi makes a joke about Abby being fat. I love it whenever that happens because it’s just SO TABOO.

Mufasa and Simba are using Paige’s injury as a way to get into the group. That’s messed up! Even Simba is on board with Mufasa’s plan!! She’s not a lion, she’s a goddamn hyena, about to eat anyone in her path without discernment. Hyenas are like goats. They’d eat a tin can if it was just laying around.

Also, is Christi wasted today? Also, I love their PA accents! “Oh my gawwwlddd!”

Wahh wahh another fight. Sorry I stopped paying attention for a bit to go on Facebook and look at Sue’s super cute instagrams. She’s cute.

This is us with our friend Andy.

Aw, thanks :) I stopped watching for a second to go on HelloGiggles.

Maddie has to leave to go be famous blah blah blah. Who even watches “Drop Dead Diva”?

Kelly asks everyone who Anne Frank is. Doesn’t anyone understand anything? The Diary of Anne Frank is one of the best books I’ve ever read. I’m not being sarcastic at all. Has anyone been to the museum in Amsterdam? It’s amazing. For real. Kelly, pick up a goddamned book and learn about World War II. You are an ADULT WOMAN, for shit’s sakes.

Also, Mac. You have such great candid moments in your confessionals, what is the BS about how “You know I love it” regarding her solo?? So fake. I hate it. I want another “I just want to stay at home and eat chips,” moment PLEASE.

Ugh more fighting with Mufasa. Sometimes these ladies just speak so high pitched that my head hurts and I just gotta eat a Skinny Cow.

Abby auditions people to be in Chloe’s duet. You know Mufasa is just sitting in the upstairs, licking her chops. I really wish I could enact physical violent on Mufasa. Sometimes I just want to punch people.

Dr. Holly’s pissed that Abby won’t put Nia in the duet. Dr. Holls tells Fabby (does that work?) that she looks foolish and belligerent. It’s pretty great.

Brooke needs to stop dancing and rest like her doctor said she should. Kelly briefly mentions that the doctor said Brooke should rest—why on Earth wouldn’t you take your daughter out to rest then? I blame Kelly just as much as I blame Abby. Poor Brooke needs her rest!! LET HER SING! Guys, how great is that song?? Summeeerrrr funnnnnn!!

Woah, Maddie’s is an actual actor! She is also Natalie Portman-ing it from Black Swan about always wanting to be perfect … bitch be CRAY.

I cannot believe Simba got to be in the duet with Chlo. Barf.

Abby was super cute asking Maddie about her acting. It made me happy. Also, Maddie looks f-ing exhausted. The girl has been working her ass off. I can’t believe she was running her Abby Lee dances when she was on set! Somebody get that girl a nap!! It’s not the one day of missing rehearsal that’s messing her up, it’s the lack of sleep!!

Maddie was practicing her solo while she was doing the Drop Dead Diva shoot. (I just typed dong, haha.) She’s a machine. Who does she think she is, me? Maybe I’m competitive with her? God I’m the worst.

First of all, those French costumes are adorbs! But what is with the techno version of “Alouette”? All the judges love it and are acting like it’s Brooke’s new song or something. IT’S NOT AS GOOD! When are they going to do a dance to Brooke’s song??

OOOOOHHHH ABBY SPEAKS FRANCH! Screw you Abbs.

First Place! What else is new. Yawn.

Did Abby seriously just tell Brooke to use her back pain for the dance? She needs to rest!! Kelly, be a good mother and let her rest!

Mac looks beyond adorbs. Maddie also looks like such a proud older sister watching her. It makes me miss my little sister :(

Mufasa is such a POS. The second Kelly has a moment of clarity and decides to pull Brooke out, Mufasa says that she wishes she did it earlier. And now Abby is giving them crap?? Why doesn’t anybody understand how important your back is?!?!?! People need their backs Abby!! Brooke’s costume is really pretty :) Love you!

Maddie’s solo was ok. But ever since that episode with Nia a couple weeks ago, front aerials terrify me!

WTF is with Chlo and Simba’s outfits? Weird fupa short action. Also, this song reminds me of something a lez would listen to at college in the 90’s. AKA Abbs.

Awards awards, everyone always gets first place—I’m so over it!

Hmmmm Brooke just skipped in after winning the awards … her back seems fine … I don’t know what to believe!

Woah. Shit just went crazy. These moms are crazy bitches. Poor Chlo just ran out crying. That just made me cry! For once I understand where Christi is coming from, even though I might not agree how she went about it …CHRISTI JUST CALLED ABBY A VIRGIN!!!! YES!

WOAH CATHY IS IN THE PREVIEWS FOR NEXT WEEK ALONG WITH JUSTICE!

Ok, this ep gets 3 out of 5 candy apples, besides the outburst at the end it was pretty boring …

Posted at 8:56am and tagged with: dance moms, lifetime, dance, moms, crazy, bitches, brooke hyland, paige hyland, zeigler, maddie, nia, abby lee, abby lee miller,.

June 13th 2012

Dance Moms Recap: Season 3, Episode 2

8 notes |#

Nia’s new hair style is killing it. I love it.

The Pyramid

OMG! Maddie is at the bottom of the period. Don’t you feel like this is going to be the season she goes into a black hole of shame and despair? YES PLEASE!

Mackenzie is also on the bottom because she got tenth place, aww… As it goes on it looks like Chloe is going to be on top. YEAH GURL! Get it! Is Chloe going to be the Maddie of season 3?!

This week the girls are going to Chicago. I feel like Abby could eat at Next in Chicago TWICE and not be full. (Next is this restaurant that Anna went to that is super hard to get a reservation at and serves 13 course Italian meals. Jealous.) Sue, we all know I could eat Abby under the table any day.

Abby is going another Nia/So & So duet! I am so excited for this!

Zombie Zombie Zombie! (Sung to the tune of The Cranberries song)

Chloe gets punished for going to the doctor and doesn’t get a solo. Abby calls them “lazy and lifeless” and gives them a group number about zombies. I am so excited for this! Is she going to make the girls do bath salts before the competition? Is this dance an ode to the homeless guy who got his face eaten off?!

She puts Dr. Holly in charge of the costumes. So mean, Abby. Later in life they are going to be working really hard and only hearing Abby’s voice in their heads calling them lazy, telling them it’s not enough. Wait, no. That’s me with my mom’s voice. Dark. Sue, relax, Abby is just teaching them work ethic! (right??)

Sugar Baby

We find out that Melissa isn’t working at Abby’s front desk anymore because her mystery man is loaded and she doesn’t have to work any more. Can we see this guy already? Does he own a jerky outlet?

Note: Garden Herb Triscuits are too salty! Do not want! Sue, you should totally eat the Ranch flavored wheat thins, they are super salty but in the best way possible. Also, Carrie’s traditional snack is cheddar cheese on the rosemary triscuits, it’s so freaking good. I’m eating a bagel with cream cheese right now, and by bagel I mean toasted Italian bread.

I feel like Brooke is going to have arthritis by the time she’s 19.

Abby tries to convince Brooke to take voice lessons at the studio because she manages her. I feel like Abby is a schemer, a con-artist. I hate her. Ugh, I’m so glad she’s back. THIS FEELS LIKE HOME! I’d take Abby over Moe any day!

Abby tells Melissa that Maddie doesn’t have the fire or confidence anymore. She’s washed up before she hits the double digits in age! This is so sad for me, Anna, you guys all know how much I love Maddie. Melissa is such a shitty mom that she needs Abby to spend solo time with her daughter because she can’t.

What are these glimpses of adult classes at Abby Lee? Weird.

Ugh, Abby for sure hates Nia because she is making her do a duo with Mackenzie. It’s so below her age level. But awesome Nia doesn’t give a fuck. Best attitude, girl! Also, remember how sick their acro routine was last season? Come on Sue, it’s our two favorite dancers together!

Sing For Your Supper!

Brooke has a voice lesson with Cathy, who looks like the mean librarian at school who you think is a lezzy but then gets married in her 50s and adopts some kids from Asia. Except without the husband or kids. I’m not going to say Brooke sounds bad, because everyone said I was a bad singer when I was her age and now I can’t even do karaoke, but she sounds… like something else. She totes wants to be the new Carly Rae Jepsen, I’m totally digging that sound she wrote though! I LOVE SHITTY POP MUSIC.

Do you think it’s weird that I’m eating Triscuits and tuna for dinner? That’s a pretty standard dinner for me. Sue, I’m jealous of that dinner.

It really seems like Melissa isn’t Abby’s fave anymore because she is living the dream with a husbo and no job.

DANCE MOMS DRAMA! THIS IS WHY WE WATCH THIS:

Abby calls them lazy again and she gets mad that Paige’s chair isn’t to her exact specifications so she makes a Chuckie face and throws it on the ground and Kelly gives her the finger! Then she tries to pit Paige against Kelly. She is such a fucking abusive dad. So volatile. Kelly bursts and SHIT GETS REAL. She tells Abby her kids are leaving the studio (yeah right, yawn) and says, “Good luck paying your bills without my tuition.” And THEN my favorite moment of this entire series comes when Kelly tells her, “Stop eating! That’s why you’re fat.” THANK YOU, KELLY! Then she walks out. A BEAUTIFUL MOMENT! Abby says in her confessional, “Kelly’s a mean girl. She’s been a mean girl since she was a kid.” UM, POT KETTLE, MUCH?! Kelly says, “Abby is a 400 pound woman who scares my daughter. And that’s why she’s crying.” EXACTLY!

It really looks like things are falling apart in paradise and we couldn’t be more excited!!!

So of course Kelly brings Paige and Brooke back after the commercial break. Obvs.

Abby gives Maddie a pep talk and she really looks like she’s dead behind the eyes. Melissa comes in crying, trying to kiss Abby’s snowmobile sized ass. Maddie gets embarrassed and leaves. I remember when I used to play basketball at the Y on Friday nights and everyone else’s mom would wait outside when it was time for them to go but my mom used to come into the gym to get me. Oooh girl, I used to get so embarrassed. I getcha, Maddie. Doesn’t Abby understand that Maddie is fucked up because of her stupid mother?! Clearly she is going through so much shit at home, with her mom whoring herself out :( Poor Maddie!

Abby is super standoffish. It’s like she doesn’t care about Melissa, her lover, anymore. Melissa tries to tattle on the other girls and Abby sees right through that shit.

Abby yells at the bus driver, of course. Wait, they are taking a bus from Pittsburgh to Chicago? That must be like a million hour drive. Actually Sue, spoken as a true Chicagoan, it’s only around 6 hrs! Pittsburgh is halfway between NYC and Chitown!

Melissa tells Maddie she hates her face. Maddie tells Abby she wants to do her solo but she’s super wishy washy. Do you feel like Abby and Melissa broke up and they’re both trying to play cool? Everyone! Maddie is clearly depressed! Get this girl some help! Having the adults in her life (the maternal adults!) yell at her and tell her she’s not good enough cannot be good for this girl’s self esteem!

Abby registers Maddie and tries to bump Brooke and Paige. When she finds out Maddie is dancing, Kelly says she is pulling their solos. Kelly, a resentment is like pissing your pants: only you can feel it. You are only hurting them after they’ve practiced all week and travelled all that way. It stinks because Kelly has totally be in the right for everything up until now.

Chloe’s solo is beautiful. It’s lyricy and dark but not morbid. Chloing it is not a thing anymore! We need a term for Maddie blowing it! NO WE DON’T SUE. NO WE DON’T. #maddiefanclub4lyfe

Maddie’s solo is like, boring and pink and v. v. Maddie. THEN the music skips! Jesus, who still uses a CD? I should wear my orange lipstick tomorrow maybe. Maddie keeps dancing and the crowd goes wild. Ugh.

Ok guys, Sue and I have never been in more of a disagreement than we are now. I thought this dance was beautiful, so cathartic for Maddie, she is going through so much shit off the stage but the second she starts to dance everything is alright! Girl, I love you!

Nia’s duet is cute… But these cuts to Melissa in the audience make me want to barf. This woman is the worst person ever. First place for this duet obvi!

The zombie costumes and makeup are adorable. I love zombie stuff and the bruise pallette in general (black, grey, blue, purple.) Zombie glam is gorgeous. What an awesome dance.

WHAT! Quick cut to So and So screaming like a monster! I love her.

Then Abby and Kelly get in a fight in the dressing room. She calls her kids lazy.

UGH, THIS EPISODE IS AMAZING. 5 out of 5 Candy Apple’s!

Posted at 10:00am and tagged with: dance moms, abby lee miller, abby lee, chicago, pittsburgh, dr. holly, gif, candy apple, dance, lyrical, zombie,.

June 5th 2012

OUR LIVE STREAM IN CASE YA MISSED IT

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Posted at 11:52pm and tagged with: DANCE MOMS, ABBY LEE, dance, lifetime,.

May 30th 2012

MIA DIAZ MAKES DANCE MOMS MIAMI WORTH IT.

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Sue is in North Carolina with her awesome boyfriend so it’s just me, Anna!

Solo! Just ate a big bagel and I’m ready to rock this recap!

Thank god it’s the last episode of this stupid, stupid show! If this is getting picked up for a second season there is no god!

Ugh this stupid theme song. So happy this is the last time I have to hear it!

The List

Victor is wearing a shirt that says “don’t be jealous.” Don’t worry, we’re not!

Top of the list: Lucas. Obvi. He felt like “hell on wheels” this kid is going to be a trannie.

2nd: Hannah. YGG! Love her! She is trying to contain this biggest smile ever, it’s adorbale.

3rd: Sammy. Miss Average is in the middle. What else is new.

4th: Kimmy. Oh god, why did you do this to her? She is going to be picking black feathers out of her back and sticking broken bits of mirror in her stomach later!

5th Bottom: Jessi. Ok, she pretty much danced with a broken back last week … So …

Another Kimmy and Lucas duet? Yes please!

They are traveling to Tulsa, Oklahoma? Angel is super pumped. He’s gonna totally bareback a … .HORSE when he’s there. He’s going to ride a horse. Jeez, what did you think I was talking about.

Angel says he’s bringing in a celebrity and he brings in the best dancer in the studio, Mia.

Why has she not been on this show until now? What the hell?! She’s super cute, and she’s an amazing dancer. I guess this show is getting a second season with this blonde piece! Also, her mother Leo is quite a character. These two were formulated in the labs of reality television, let’s see if they save this show!

Leo is actually super cute, I love her luscious locks! All the other moms are super jelly. Putting her next to them actually accentuates their ugliness, especially Moe!

Ok, all of these moms are either going through menopause or PMS-ing every minute. Kimmy’s mom is losing it because she thinks Kimmy is going to get kicked off the team, they never said anything about kicking anyone off! Chill girl, chill! Also, if anyone gets kicked off it should be Jessi, she is 5 feet taller than the other girls.

I LOVE LEO. She is the only sane mother up there. She is like, “just tell me what you’re thinking, ok?”

Ah! I love the Abby previews, “You don’t get a trophy for being born.” Abby Lee I love you more than anything. Sometimes I ask Sue to dress up as Abby and yell at me, you know just to keep me in line. JK that’s never happened!

Oh look. They are doing slow motion arabesques. THINK OF SOMETHING NEW ANGEL.

Ok, Mia has a solo. Is she here for good or just for a week? I don’t understand. I hope she’s here for good, because this girl is FIERCE! I AM IN LOVE.

Check out this vintage video I found of her doing poker face. It’s amazing. I stopped listening to the rest of the show to watch this. I LOVE MIA!

Mia Diaz, Pokerface 9 years old

I don’t care about anyone else in this show right now! More Mia please!

Oh dear, everytime I look at Kimmy she looks like she is silently losing it. It’s ok! Everything is going to be fine girl!

Ok, Hannah’s freckles are adorbs. Also, she wants to give Mia her solo. What a sweetheart!

HOLY SHIT. Lucas’s mom just announced that she’s getting a divorce and her kids don’t even know. Poor Lucas :( She has other kids?! This is so sad. She spends her whole life watching Lucas dance that she’s forgotten about her other kids? Ack, I don’t like it when this show gets all sad like this.

TULSA OKLAHOMA!

Angel is wearing a stupid cowboy hat, omg. He’s had it in the closet for many years. HA!

Group Dance

These costumes are pretty great. Gaga-esque I love it. But the group dance is a bit all over the place. It looks super unorganized … Jessi was threatened by the 10 year old dancer. Girl, chill if you two were up in solos against each other you’d be in different categories.

Trio

Mia is beautiful and this trio is beautiful. I love it! This is the best trio I’ve seen so far, and I’m including Abby Lee’s dances! Mia is also a sweetheart, she was so happy she had the opportunity to dance with them :)

Awards

First Place: Trio. OBVIOUSLY IT WAS AMAZING.

Third Place: Group Number. Wow, I can’t believe they actually placed!

Solos

Hannah’s mom makes a very good point. Angel and Victor should have been way more organized and registered the proper amount of solos. Why are they creating unnecessary drama?! I feel awful for these girls!

Ok, after the commercial break the problem was fixed. Everyone gets a solo.

Sammy comes up with some sort of excuse as to why her solo won’t be very good. We’ll see about that …

Sammy’s Solo

It’s beautiful! She has such long legs, she’s beautiful! Except it does look a little hurried, poor thing was a little stressed.

Hannah’s Solo

Ok, girl that costume doesn’t suit you. Who chose that?! Hannah is beautiful, that costume is not. This dance is also a bit boring. I like that she’s feeling it, but I don’t really enjoy the choreography. It might work for an older dancer with more power and experience, but not a young dancer.

Mia’s Solo

I didn’t think it was possible for anyone to give better facials than Maddie but I think I found her! Mia is totally fierce. I want to be her friend. Do you think she’d be friends with me?

Check it:

Junior Awards

6th Place: Hannah

1st Place: Mia (obvi)

Teen Awards

2nd Place: Sammy (YGG! First teen competition!)

Ok, so this finale ended with a bang. Mia is an official member of the team AND there was a full on cat fight! Thank god! I’m actually looking forward to watching the next season now.

This sad moment at the end with Lucas and his mother though really broke my heart :(

This episode gets 5 out of 5 cuban sandwiches! (If Sue and I love anything, it’s sandwiches!)

Stay tuned for our live stream next week of the Dance Moms: Season 3 PREMIERE! YIPPEEEEE!

Posted at 11:47am and tagged with: dance moms, dance moms: miami, abby lee, lifetime, dance, mia diaz, angel, miami, jazz, fierce,.

May 23rd 2012

Dance Moms Miami, Season 1, Episode 7 Recap

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Hi friends! I’m really tie tie (tired) so this is gonna be a loopy one. Can I just say right off, you guys, my birthday was last night and Anna showed up and turned it out. She made me the best cupcakes. Carrot cake with white chocolate cream cheese frosting, ya’ll! And she brought me bubbles and the sweetest card. At the end of the night, this picture was taken. Note how long my hair is. Baby’s first weave!!!!

Seriously, Sue’s birthday was the most fun birthday EVER.

Okay, onto the list:

Aww little Sammy is at the bottom of the list, then Hannah. I swear, they aren’t gonna be happy until Hannah is like Black Swan-Natalie-Portman-Cuts-Herself Skinny. LEAVE HANNAH ALONE! She is joyous and free! Some other bullshit happened and then Jessi made it to the top of the list. They make it all dramatic like, “Jessi, when you were on that stage, no one knew WHAT you were going through. Your mom wanted you to leave the studio.” OH WOW, WHAT A NIGHTMARE. When I was her age I had no friends and listened to goth stuff. I wore PARACHUTE PANTS AND SAFETY PINS. THAT’S going through something. Sue, I hate to think that we wouldn’t have been friends in grade school. I love you honey boo boo child!

They’re going to another Starbound. Can’t they come up with some more original names for these things? Like Dance Your Tits Off or Dance Till the Death or Candy Dance Your Apples Off? God, I miss them so much.

Sammy walks in late and there’s super dramatic music. Like Titanic dramatic. I wonder if the same music guy does Dance Moms Miami and Dance Moms PGH? I wonder if I know anyone who knows Abby. I get more starstruck by reality stars than talented people who have honed their craft, I’ll have you know. Sammy’s mom is wearing a yellow chiffon top with the shoulders cut out. UGH, what is it with Dance Moms and shirts like that? Do they hate fabric on their delicate upper arms?

This week’s theme is about abandonment because Sammy walked out and now she’s getting punished for leaving the group. NICE, GUYS. And of course, homegirl gets so upset. Aww. She has herself a nice cry. Ah. I love a good cry like that. It’s like getting a massage.

Commercial. Also, you guys. I have to tell you another thing about my birthday. We had just had a HUGE dinner at an Indian restaurant. Everyone was sitting around the table talking about how stuffed they are, and Anna, totally serious, says, “I could really go for some Ritz Bitz.” !!!!

Sue. Stop bringing that up!! Ritz bitz are a delicious snack, and they can make or break the ending of a meal. Also, my true colors come out after stuffing an entire bowl of lamb vindaloo down my gullet.

Hannah’s solo is called House of Pain. PLEASE tell me it’s a song from the hit 90s band of the same name! I WAS THINKING THE SAME THING SUE! And why, again, are we talking about her weight? This is clearly a genetic thing. It’s not like she gets Kool-aid and Lays from the bodega for breakfast. She’d have fatter cheeks if that were the case. Honestly, it’s ludacris right now that everyone is talking about a child’s eating habits. I mean, legit, there are more fat kids now than when I was little. We only had one fat kid— Steve Ward. He was weird. He like, killed animals and stuff. Now all the kids are fat. But if Hannah’s exercising and dancing all the time, then I THINK we should have some compassion for the little thing instead of trying to turn her into a Black Swan. Hannah you are beautiful and we love you.

The moms have some fun and the kids freak out. Borrring. I hate these Miami moms, right Sue?

OMG June 5! New Abby episodes! That’s like… two weeks from now! Sue and I are going to do another live blog, and record it this time! No joke!

Lucas kinda has it together by saying he doesn’t care where he is on the list—he still knows he’s a good dancer. See! Why can’t we all feel like that? Ugh, I’m happy to see that bitch is getting confident. That bullying bullshit from last week really put a damper on my Lucas. But look at this picture I found …

Angel just said the word “LIFTSES.” I’m DYING right now!

Apparently Victor’s mom is teaching ballet now? None of the kids take her seriously and it’s pretty hilarious.

This show like, tries to create drama out of things that are not dramatic. Angel isn’t going to the competition this week. People seem moderately concerned but… snooze. I’m just tired. I had a long day. This is all making me want to fall asleep.

I got this lipstick yesterday that is really bright Nicki Minaj pink. I think it’s too much but Anna says she likes it.

Oh, hai Sue! Anna here now, yes! It looks amazing. Sue reminds me of a Miami Dance Mom circa 1965 when she wears it. Are they ever going to do a fictional period piece about the lives of dance moms? Like mix Mad Men with Dance Moms?? One can only pray :(

Solos
Little dude is a badass! He is such a good dancer!

Hannah looks great! Her dance is beautiful and dark, just like my heart. She wins second place! YGG!!! Lucas wins first! Nice!

Duet
Jessi hurts her back before the dance. These girls probably have the bones of geriatrics. The dance is beautiful though. First place!

Group number
I have a bone to pick with the costumes. Honestly, every single costume these kids wear is a strip of fabric around their tits, a long skirt, and a sash. Is Myra making the costumes or what? Also this dance is sad! No! But they win overall. Good job, guys!

This episode was boring, and we’re tired and miss Dance Moms regs.

We’re giving this episode 2 out of 5 cheesy gordita crunches. Do they still make those? Are gordita crunches a Miami food? Are we just picking latin sounding things and listing them? (yes).

But just so you feel like reading this wasn’t a waste of your time, we will leave you with this amazing song.

Posted at 9:54am and tagged with: dance moms miami, miami, dance moms, lifetime, abby lee, angel, house of pain, dance, crazy, moms,.