Hi everyone! Sue here. I’m so sleepy. I just had a coffee and I was high as a kite but now I’m crashing.
Anna here! I’m eating the most bizarre foods in my house for breakfast, stay tuned. I’m starting with candy egg whoppers.
Abby comes in right away and says Broadway Baby died. Aww, I’m sad for Flabby. Every day I look in my cat’s eyes and dread the day she’s going to die. I will just be so sad.
Anna here, I just started sobbing when Abby came in and said Broadway Baby died. I mean sure, I’m on a ton of sudafed and cough syrup but still—SO EMOTIONAL! I actually feel bad for Flabby!!!
Nia is almost at the top of the pyramid! YGG! Maddie is back on top. EVERYTHING IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD. Except Chloe is still on suspension and Kenize ain’t in the group number. WAH.
Paige looks STUNNING! Right?? Maddie, Kenzie, and Nia look stunning as well—because they’re not wearing any make up! Girls, you’re in rehearsal don’t wear make up!!
OMG Black Patsy is coming back. I can’t wait. She is like Cathy Candy Apple’s TIMES A MILLION. She is what my dreams look like. Now that Broadway Baby is dead, maybe Abby will sell me her dog stroller so I can take my cats for a walk and I can never be without their love.
In Abby’s confessional where she is wearing the green shirt, she looks super drugged up. You takin dat Klonopin, girl?
Sixteen is pretty old for a dog. My cats are nine and five already.
The moms have the idea of switching the group number and dedicating it to Abby. That’s the dumbest shit I ever heard because Abby is gonna be mad pissed. Duhhhhhh.
This dog is actually a bit terrifying.
Christi and Kelly are still fighting about like, whatever. Oh no, then we see a shot of Abby going home, to her all-white house and crying in front of a picture of Broadway Baby with her mom. I love animals so much. Did you know that I was such a weird kid that I just didn’t “get” pets? My friend Rachel had this big boxer named Pochantas and she was so jumpy. I just hated that thing. We had a cat and I liked it fine but I never thought it whispered into my heart or anything. I dunno. It took me a long time to develop empathy because I have a learning disability that’s OTS.
OH! Guess what happened this week! Noodle and Brindle (my cats) fight all the time. They always have. Just like, swat at each other and stuff. But yesterday I found a little scar on Brin’s ear and it must be from Noodle! What a bitch! I put Neosporin on it, don’t worry.
Black Patsy. Can people call me White Ass Sue?
Yes. But only if you can call me Honky Anna.
Abby’s mom looks mad sick. Also, I thought she lived in Florida? Abby is so sad. Maybe she is a real human.
OMG this scene between Abby and her mom is so depressing. I’m eating ranch flavored wheat thins for breakfast with slices of ricotta salata cheese on them—A CRY FOR HELP?!
Who’s Nyala? We’ve never seen THIS choreographer before. I mean. Good.
But her name isn’t Patsy. It’s Kya. So I don’t get it. I mean, I guess I could be White Ass Margaret if I wanted to be.
Noodle is kneading my flabby belly like she DIDN’T give Brin a ear scab.
Kelly and Christi get into a shouting match. Pretty sure this is the first time we’ve seen this sort of in-fighting among the moms. (Oops, just typed “mongs.”)
Abby dramatically returns to the studio for the sake of Broadway Baby. Direct quote: “Nothing makes me happier than working with Maddie.” LOL!
She’s pissed about the surprise choreography, obvs. Did they honestly think that would be ok? Abby is so emotionally vulnerable right now!
I don’t know about you, but White Ass Margaret loves Black Patsy. I think it’s maybe racist to call someone “ghetto,” but she’s SO GHETTO!!! I think on the inside White Ass Margaret has always been a Black Patsy.
I think Nia looks adorable in her costume. Her dance is very traditionally jazzy, but she gives good face.
Madison is a stripper name these days. I always forget that’s Maddie’s full name… Yeah, Madison is someone who works at Hooters. Maddie is a sweet Southern Belle.
Maddie dedicates her solo to Broadway Baby and Abby breaks down. The rest of the moms go nuts. Jeez shut UP already. Also, her costume looks like the North Korean flag.
Oops, got distracted watching videos of myself read affirmations that were on my computer. I literally had no idea they were on there. Jesus Sue, be more of an ACTOR why don’t ya??
JK, I get distracted watching videos of Suzy too. She’s really funny and beautiful.
The kids are improvising the group number. SHIT IS WHACK. White Ass Margaret is JUST APPALLED. I think it actually looks good. It’s nice to do something refreshing and happy for once.
Black Patsy is trying to pick a fight with Dr. Holly and she’s so not into it. I really think Holly is the most emotionally stable person on this show.
Also, I like seeing Abby vulnerable like this. She’s not as mean. Black Patsy starts picking fights with everyone… Yo, how are we all just cool with calling this woman Black Patsy?
Christi is too scared to fight because she’s afraid Black Patsy’s gonna pull out her weave. You know she would’ve!!!!
Christi and Kelly make up. And Black Patsy gets kicked out of the competition. I mean, she just wanted attention anyway so whatever.
Nia gets a costume award! After Abby made fun of it! Yay!
Nia gets third place, Maddie gets first, and the group number gets first even though the moms choreographed it.
Yo, they do a Broadway Baby montage at the end and that’s kind of an ugly ass dog. She’s pretty fat.
I can’t wait to see Abby go speed dating on the next episode!
Aww, little Noodle has the hiccups. I love her!
This episode gets 4 out of 5 candy apples because BWAY BABY IS RIDICULOUS.