Hi guys. Sue here. I’ve had emotional day so I’m eating this huge eggplant and mozzarella sandwich from the Italian place on the corner. Italians know how to do comfort food! Anna is at her house in the East Village eating $0.99 tilapia.
My the handlebars on my bike got stolen and then I had to spend $160 to get them fixed! Not a huge deal. No one died or anything. But it just sent me into a tailspin. Who the fuck steals handlebars anyway? Also, I wore pants today. :(
HOWEVER, I did get to hang out with Anna’s dad, Greg. SO that was the bright spot in an otherwise stupid day.
Dude. Anna here. That tilapia made me pass out in the middle of eating it. I full on passed out at 10pm. Then when I woke up my entire apartment smelled like fish and I realized that I should start “splurging” on fish. Guys, don’t buy cheap fish. It’s stupid!
Know what else is stupid? Abby’s pyramid. She’s punishing Brooke and Paige for last week’s fight with Kelly by putting them on probation. Yeah right, Abby. We know none of you will ever quit the other one. Abby’s hair is so fluffy ALSO is she wearing fake eyelashes?
Oh hey, also, since we’re talking about today, let’s talk about Adam Fucking Carolla. What a piece of shit that guy is. He is like Chris Brown level awful in my mind now. The worst part is… who the hell listens to Adam Carolla to begin with? I didn’t even know his opinion mattered.
Abby puts Chloe at the bottom of the pyramid for missing last week’s rehearsal. Even if she didn’t have a doctor’s appointment, maybe she needed to go to the movies and HAVE FUN and BE A KID. Nia! YGG! You are moving on up! Maddie is back at the top of the pyramid. Ugh, kill me. I hope everyone knows how fucking arbitrary the pyramid is at this point. Sue, you know I love Maddie. She is having a hard time at home!
Abby tells them they are going to a competition in Michigan and two studios registered specifically to beat her studio. PLEASE LET IT BE CANDY APPLE’S. PLEASE!
Maddie and Chloe are doing a solo called “Inside of Me.” IS THIS A SEX THING? We find out that So and So loves Justin Bieber. Adorable! And weird! I don’t get what it is about that little dude that girls like. OMG Sue, where do I even begin? Anna here, and I’ve got the Bieber Fever.
Maddie is HELEN FUCKING KELLER in her solo. I don’t think we need to say anything else.
Abby makes Kelly re-read her contract to realize she’s at the risk of expulsion. Yawn.
Their group number is called “Silver Spoon” and it’s about being rich. They have a prop—and guess what? It’s a muthafukin spoon. Real clever Abbs.
Everyone finds out that it was Melissa who ratted out Chloe for going to the movies. Kelly had it right: “Who the hell rats out a ten year-old?” Also, there’s a conspiracy theory that Melissa scratched the CD so Maddie’s music would skip and she would win. That’s some psycho shit right there. This is like the Bourne Identity. You know what else? I’m PROBABLY going to finish this goddamn sandwich. How ya like me now?
I lied. it beat me.
Pshh Sue, I never start a sandwich I can’t finish. Also, Sue told me I should go to Overeater’s Anonymous because SHE LOVES ME. I DIDN’T MEAN IT LIKE THAT, ANNA!!!!
Stupid Melissa barges into the studio while Maddie and Chloe are rehearsing to ask Abby if she scratched the CD. I wouldn’t put it past her. I feel like Melissa was just trying to start drama and that wasn’t even a real fight. She’s batshit cray cray.
The spoon is too heavy! DRAMZ.
Nia’s solo is going to be beautiful! I love Nia moments! YGG!
Maddie is rehearsing a solo about Helen Keller, which Abby admits is recycled choreography.
THIS is the real Helen Keller trying to pet a dog.
Melissa and Holly go to lunch. Melissa loves these one on one lunches with people she wants on her team. You guys ever have that ginger ale with jasmine? That stuff is SO good!
Anna here, did you guys know that if you put mayo on a roll it can taste like a sandwich even if there are no meats and cheeses inside?! Not that I’ve done that or anything. I HAVEN’T.
This episode is a little boring, am I right? I’m checking Facebook at this point. My cat’s being… wait, dramz…
The moms are complaining about the costumes not fitting right but when she explains it, it makes total sense. Chloe has a special part. Kelly says the dance is doomed. I kinda believe it. I kinda can’t wait.
You guys, it’s supposed to be like 90 degrees in NYC tmw and I love the heat. Do you think I need InvisAlign? Did anyone else see Moonrise Kingdom? Anna and I went on a lovely date the other night and saw it and it was SO BEAUTIFUL. The date AND the movie. We highly recommend it.
Chloe and Maddie’s solo is gorgeous! Good job, girls! They have these sparkly grey costumes, which I can emotionally relate to because I love the bruise palate. They actually looked like friends up there! Also kudos to the new camera guy on this show, wonderful job capturing this beautiful duet!
The spoon looks hideous and there’s serious costume drama for the group number. OH NO, SPOON DRAMA! This is the frilliest, most traditional dance I’ve ever seen them do. I don’t know if it’s going to win.
WHERE ARE THE CANDY APPLE’S???
Chloe and Maddie were robbed! The group wins second place. The studios that intended to win actually did it. CAN WE PLEASE SEE THEM? PLEASE? They must be amazing. Also, Abby! Don’t blame the girls for your poor costume choices and choreography!
Abby always wears starfish jewelry. She kinda looks like one, if you think about it. Word, Sue. I could totally see her sucking on a wall somewhere, like a starfish stuck to the side of a fishtank.
What do we think of this Bristol Palin show? Did anyone watch it?
Kelly gets mad that Abby helps Maddie with her makeup. Yo, it’s obvious at this point that Abby favors Maddie. Either accept the situation and take it or change it by going to a new studio. You probably aren’t going to change Abby. Real talk.
Why does Helen Keller have bruises all over her face? Was that a thing? I guess she probs walked into a lot of walls.
Nia’s solo is really pretty. But very 70s and ethnic. Is it just me? I picture a smoky room of Black Panthers planning an American takeover. Super ethnic! But she rocked it. Holly crying at the end was priceless, I love you Dr. Holls!
So and So looks ADORABLE in her daisy costume! Where can I get one of those? She needs to be on Toddlers & Tiaras STAT. That dance would win.
SHE WINS FIRST! YGG!
Nia gets ninth place, eh. But at least she placed!
Maddie got fourth place. YESS! Anna feels bad for Maddie, but Abby should learn, that you can’t win with a Helen Keller dance unless you have an actual blind chick dancing it!
Kelly confronts Abby about the costumes and she comes out in her Cruella Deville fur. I feel bad for Broadway Baby!!!
This episode gets 3 out of 5 candy apple’s it would have gotten 5 if we actually saw the candy apple’s!