Good morning everyone! Anna and I have something big to announce!
We wrote a new comedy show about our love of reality television called Dumb & Famous. It debuts at 6:30pm on Valentine’s Day at the Upright Citizen’s Brigade Theatre. If you’re in NYC, check it out!!!
We would love nothing more if the beautiful ladies who read this blog could make it to our show—we even have a sketch about Abby and Cathy!!!!
Chloe is at the bottom of the pyramid because she forgot her solo. So are Nia and Mackenzie. Abby is rocking some Dynasty hair today. Like she used some Dep gel on that shit.
She puts Maddie and Kendall in the middle, not before comparing them to Sophia, who’s at the top of the pyramid. Brooke ain’t in the pyramid but her ombre looks beautiful!
You guys, my cat isn’t eating her wet food. She’s just sitting by the heater like a weirdo. Should I be scared? It’s cold outside. Maybe she just cold. Speaking of which, I was gonna try to go to a boot camp class in an hour but it’s TEN DEGREES OUT.
Their solo is about immigrants. I dunno, isn’t that racist because everyone’s an immigrant? Unless you’re a Native American. Man I wish I was a Native American. I have this friend who is, and she wanted to take a photography class so she called up her tribe and was like, “Hey can I have some money?” And they were like, “NP, homie.” WHERE DO I GET A TRIBE?
What was I talking about? My lips are so chapped. They’re gross.
Speaking about boats, can we talk about Les Mis? OMG! Anne Hathaway. WHAT. AN. ACTOR!!! I LOVE On My Own. AND, sadly, I related so much to that slave song. I wait tables for a living, soooo…. OMG Sue you KNOW I could go on and on about Les Mis. It was pure therapy for me, bc I was clearly going through some shit when I saw it. I could not stop crying and IT FELT GREAT.
Melissa is fake as shit. Mufasa asks her if Maddie is sad that she doesn’t have a solo and she gets this high-pitched voice and says she’s happy to have a duet.
OMG there’s a shot of Abby’s house and it is NOT that spectacular!!! She makes the moms come over to clean out her garage and look for some props and they find a dead rat. I’m gagging.
So and So! So cute! Lemonade. I love when she sings that song. Abby gets Melissa to admit she ain’t happy Maddies is doing a duet with Kendall, info that she uses against her because she is a dumb snake.
You guys read this book? So sad! I was reading it on the subway last night and I got off the train but I had to sit there, in the station, in the cold, to finish it. Then I cried the whole walk home. Then I told my boyfriend I loved him.
OMG Sue stop. At least you HAVE a boyfriend to tell you love him too, all I have is a smelly roommate. Sorry if you’re reading this right now, but you smelly.
Anyway, they’re going to North Carolina on a bus. Ugh, that’s probably the longest bus ride. Then they get the cheering section again when they enter. TEN DEGREES!!!!! STFU!!!
Mackenzie’s solo is adorable but then a little sexy for a minute. That’s weird. That makes me feel like a creep for watching. She rocks it and her head pieces doesn’t fall out. Paige’s costume is amazing. Right up my alley because purple is my favorite color. Except, last year I bought this purple North Face and I kind of regret getting that color because it doesn’t match with ANYTHING. I mean, the logic was, “Everyone in NYC has a boring black coat. I want something different.” But now I look like Grimace.
NO! Sue, that coat is adorbs!
Then Abby tells Melissa her ex-husband said she was two faced. That’s some below the belt shit. Then Mufasa freaks out and gets Kendall all stressed. Their duet is great though. Love those PK turns!
So and So gets first place!!! And Paige gets third! The duet gets first and Abby says it’s because they were looking at Maddie and not Kendall. That makes me sad on the inside. These girls deal with so much criticism from Abby.
OH MY GOD! Before the group number, they’re warming up with Crazy Eights! That is the number one improv warm-up ever. The group number is… eh… I don’t get it. For some reason it gets first place. Anna, can you weigh in here? Yes I can. First of all, there is no way they get first place at EVERY competition. Do you think Abby has it in their contract that they can only air episodes where they get first place? Or maybe Lifetime pays off the judges? Let us know what you think girls!
This episode get three apples.