Hey ya’ll it’s me, Anna! I am eating oatmeal with coconut milk for breakfast and it is so delicious I don’t know what to do with myself!! Maybe move to a commune where all we eat are coconut products??
Ok, let’s get down to business. The pyramid is messed up. Asia is on top, which I understand bc Abby ALWAYS loves the new girl. Poor McKenzie is always getting sick, maybe she’s just sick of being drilled every day and wants to be a normal kid??
The group number is about conservatives and liberals in politics. Jesus Abby, we get it!
She’s giving out a bunch of solos; Asia, Chloe, and Maddie! Oh crap. Chlo and Mad are like best friends why on earth do you keep pitting them against each other?
Oh wait, so now we’re realizing that this dance isn’t about politics in the White House, it’s about politics in dance. Abby is teaching these girls to be snarky bitches before they even learn the dance. Poor girls!
How old is Asia? She looks a like a muscular 4 yr old? There’s no way she can pick up this routine by not even practicing it! But instead, Abby gives Asia a hot jazz number where she plays Rosie the Riveter, who of course, Kelly has no idea who that is. Kelly’s the biggest dum dum on this show.
I wonder if Asia drinks protein shakes every morning.
Abby was being super sweet to Chlo during their solo rehearsal, so we will see…
Guys, this oatmeal really is so good! But it’s weird eating a hot breakfast when you’re sunburned. Yesterday it was 80 degrees here! I was outside with my family eating all day (bc that’s what we do) and ONE OF MY ARMS got sunburned. Just one. I look like an unloved child. I bet when Paige goes to the beach her mom forgets to put sunscreen on one of her arms :(
Melissa wants to get her kids homeschooled. Maddie is all for it. McKenzie is A NORMAL KID. She wants to be at school with her friends like a normal kid. She doesn’t want to spend her whole life dancing every minute. I bet when the camera’s off of her she lets Melissa have it. I really hope she does. Poor girl.
Now would be a great time for our fave Kenzie gif.
Wow. Kelly looks exhausted. The bags under her eyes are insane. But thank god the women try to talk some sense into Melissa about the home schooling! These girls are so good at dancing they could get a free ride into a good college, but if they’re home schooled who knows? Also, let me just say I know nothing about home schooling. Looks like Melissa just wants her kids to be celebrities. STAGE MOM.
I can’t take Asia’s muscles! Also, where the f is Cathy? She needs to be in every episode.
Abby wants the moms to cut up flags to make costumes. Wow. IS ABBY A TERRORIST?!?!? In Girls Scouts, if one flag even touch the ground you had to burn it. Remember?
Abby makes a good point about Maddie and Chloe getting better because they are competing against each other. But it’s still kind of messed up.
Can someone please tell us about Preachers’ Daughters? I feel like we should watch this, Sue! Sue here. Anna, I tried to pick it up in the middle of one episode but it might be too late? Like, since we didn’t start from the beginning we have no idea what’s happening. I wonder if it’s on demand. Also, BIG RICH ATL!
Why is she tattling on Asia? Ugh, everyone hates her and her soulless daughter Kendall. Just leave, please!
The costumes look crappy. Is ALDC running out of $$ or something?
Maddie gives Asia a terrifying “pep talk” before they hit the stage.
This dance kind of sucks. Also, that face the judge makes is hilarious and terrible.
Abby is having all the girls vote for Maddie or Chloe and she’s terrible. This is messed up!! You monster!!!
ASIA IS FIERCE! How does a girl that young have so much sass?! And that one eyebrow lift at the end? I love that chick. Even my boyfriend was like, “That was good.”
Chloe is wearing kind of a losery dress for her solo. Ooh but it does look beautiful when she turns. She looks stunning, she is so graceful and her lines are beautiful. I think her and Maddie are both wonderful but they are two totally different dancers! Like Chloe could be a rockette with those legs, Maddie couldn’t—but Maddie is still a wonderful and beautiful dancer!! Her solo is a bit boring though, eeek! SUE HERE: STOP SUCKING MADDIE’S DICK!
I can’t believe the group even got second place. These judges were too generous.
(Btw, what’s with the judge’s zoot suit outfit?)
Asia gets first place! YAYAYAYY!!!!
I can’t believe Maddie won. That’s insane. Her dance was beautiful. Poor Chloe has been trampled on for too long!
Also, Abby needs to lay off the bronzer a smidge.
Maddie wince the popular vote by four. That’s some real student council shit. Chloe, you are a STRONG BLACK WOMAN.
Asian yawns. You’re right girl. Also, Abby is wearing a huge engagement ring?! Boyfriend: “I hate this fucking show so much.” AND HE NEVER SWEARS.
This episode gets three out of five candy apples. Where’s Cathy?!